Ok you lovely people, I need your help!

I don’t think my original plan of using magazine holders is going to work for organising storage for my ‘desk’. It really is a tiny space and although it fits a set of storage drawers underneath perfectly, these are completely full with my makeup [I studied makeup art, I have a lot of it]

My desk is basically the same as this:


table Yeah, when I said it was tiny, I wasn’t kidding. How can I get this organised so I have my books to hand and space to breathe? I feel I need storage and lots of it, but there’s no room without putting a cupboard or drawers underneath and I have nowhere else to keep my makeup. 

Ideas anyone?


Organising my workspace.

I have a very minimal desk space right now. By ‘desk’, I mean a small fold down table at the side of my bed. It’s the most cluttered space you’ve ever seen in your life and today it drove me crazy. So I’ve been trying to organise it the best I can. I’m going to get a magazine holder for my A4 work, I have pens in one pot, makeup brushes in the other. Hoping this will give it some sort of neater presentation and actually make me want to work.

I also plan on buying a filofax, or rather a cheap version for a filofax because I think they’re overpriced when you can get something exactly the same which is a lot cheaper. I’ll organise my post it notes in that and try and make a study plan for myself.  I’m going to organise myself for this course! I’ve started reading the notes but before I can start I need the poetry anthology, works of Shakespeare and Chaucer to show up. Actually really raring to go. Yes, I’m excited about getting new stationary and working…. Aaah my life.

London School of Journalism English Literature

I was going to study music journalism but it does look a little full on when I haven’t properly been in education for a while. So, as a ‘taster course’ if you will, I just enrolled on their English Literature course. If I enjoy this and get along with the school, I’ll apply for the music journalism.

I’ve received my first two lessons already as it’s digital based learning but I’m required to read Chaucer, Shakespeare [eugh no not again!], and numerous other classics including Pride & Prejudice which I’ve read before and enjoyed anyway. Looking forward to it! Well, except Shakespeare, I never did like studying his work. That’s gonna be boring as hell….

Here we go!

Well if they’re not going to help, bugger it.

Trying to do an A Level via distance learning is unnecessarily difficult because they can’t answer a simple email asking how to go about booking exams and where.

So I’ve been trying to hunt around to find something where I may be able to have some sort of career and for the second time [I’ve emailed them before] have come across London School of Journalism. They do both distance learning and campus based courses but obviously my plan is for distance. One of the ones that caught my eye other than novel writing, in terms of a career was music and the arts freelance writing. I love music and writing so if I could make a living from writing about music, why not?

I did read the odd review saying because they’re not accredited with National Council for the Training of Journalists, it’s not a good place to go to. However after being linked several times in my searches to the National Union of Journalists, I decided to search their site for distance learning and the LSJ came up when it came to freelance. So being that they’ve been recommended by the NUJ, I may well give them a go.

What harm can it do?

What a day!

We decided as my mother in law had gone out for the whole day to make the most of it. So we went to the local butcher and got some proper ribeye steak, nice and fresh and cost 12 quid… Totally worth the money. Popped next door to the pub for a quick drink just because, why not?

Came home and had a cup of tea and my lovely darling husband decided he was going to run me a lovely hot bath. So I got to have a nice relax courtesy of my sweetie. Cuddle with the cat and I then cooked our steak with onions, red wine, veggies and home made cheese sauce and we sat and had a candle lit dinner whilst watching One Foot in the Grave cause, Victor Meldrew lol.

He’s now gone out for a meeting with a guy he works with both on scripts and music and I’m just relaxing with the cat waiting for my mother in law to get back home from dinner with my nan in law. I feel all full in a nice, warm, satisfied way.

I like today, today was awesome.

Apologies for the lack of positivity again

Apparently when it comes to actual courses such as A levels, distance learning places can’t actually be arsed helping people out explaining it.  So, never mind.

Bass playing isn’t going well either so I’m getting put off that too. Yeah. Staring at a computer screen is basically how my time will be spent. Might get Facebook again in that case, at least then I’d have something to stare at.

Working around things.

As I previously mentioned , my health is thwarting my career plans which frustrates me beyond all, gah. But after I’d spoken to my psychologist who basically told me the ins and outs of how my health would affect a working situation, he pretty much told me that my option is freelance writing.

Not my career of choice but I do enjoy reading and writing. So I’m looking into an English Literature A Level which I can do from home. I’ve used Open Study College before so I’ve looked into them again because they were great to study with the first time [studied creative writing with them then funnily enough]. I need to find out how it works properly because I’m not entirely sure, you have to arrange your exam with a local college or study centre and pay the fee for that but I think you need to hand 2 units of coursework in to them too so I need to work that out with them before I apply to study. 

I was going to go for language and lit but then I looked at the language standalone and preferred the material because it involves reading a lot of classics like Frankenstein and The Great Gatsby. I LOVE to read so that’s totally up my street.

I can still work on music in my own time but this may kickstart to actually being able to have some sort of career. I felt really down in the mouth as you can probably  tell but I’m determined to live positively. I’ve had enough of negativity, it can kiss my ass. Switch, change, rev the gears back up. Let’s go!

When my health becomes a frustration.

I had a career goal to become either a criminal lawyer or a forensic psychologist. I did actually mainly want to become a military psychologist but I already knew my health wouldn’t stand up to that. 

I was accepted onto an access course to study psychology, politics and sociology… Didn’t get through one day before I was plagued with exhaustion and excruciating pain. This became part of the frustration because I know that I can do it mentally. I have the intelligence but as per usual, my body lets me down.

I keep going back to psychology, it’s just something I want to do with my life but I’m being thwarted over and over again. I spoke to my psychologist after the memory test and he basically set straight on my health and work/study that a work environment isn’t for me because as well as the physical side of things, my brain struggles to concentrate when working at a certain crazy pace. He had suggested if I should look into work, working from home because if I need to rest when fatigue sets in, it’s possible where of course in a physical work environment, you can’t do this. He also told me not to get down about not being able to do things at another’s pace and accept that I have to go a lot slower than everyone else. That’s all fine and dandy to say but it’s not helping. 

I’ve hunted and hunted for work from home jobs and it’s all either, journalism or finance this, finance that. I’m terrible with maths, that’s not going to happen, I struggle with numbers to the point I get upset at the thought of even trying maths because I just become frustrated. Yes, I can write so journalism I guess is a starter point but I have no interest in anything anyone is looking for. 

I keep looking at home study courses for psychology but none of them are with real qualifications, as much as they claim to be. The closest real thing you can get is Open University, but I don’t have the qualifications for that to begin with because distance learning doesn’t offer real qualifications and as I’ve established 4 times already, I physically cannot handle a college course out of home.

Even then, if I did get the qualifications and go to uni and get these degrees… What the hell do I do with them? It’s basically been established by my own self and medical professionals that I’m not fit for the world of working or a career so where would be the sense in studying at that level anyway?

I apologise for this insanely whiny and irritating post but I’m hitting my point of frustration at the realisation that my life is basically to be spent sitting in a house with nothing to show for it.

I have a lot of challenges to keep up to!

I brought my challenges book with me in the hope of peacefully writing. Found that being back in the same place where depression/anorexia started, issues raised their ugly head and just switched off my motivation. This clearly isn’t the place to launch my creativity.

I started to get past that funk then my husband and I ended up getting some crappy virus that we’re still not 100% over so that’s thwarted my writing too! You know when fate sometimes tries to tell you ‘this ain’t the time to do this?’ Yeah….

Should be going home tomorrow though, we’ve been here for 2 weeks now and mental health issues [they weren’t so bad, I just lose any motivation to do anything when I’m here because the atmosphere just sets me back] and virus aside, it was actually an alright and relaxed time. But I miss our bed. And our cat. Be lovely to be home. Nice break away, now I need London again.


Woah crazy rain!!!

Epic thunderstorm yesterday and the village is basically flooded to madness. It looks a little better in the end that I am right now but the wind would probably have me sailing so another day in.

I need to stop looking at bass guitars, I just bought one I do not need more. My brother has a fretless and I’d never played because they intimidated me but I bit the bullet and had a go, now I want one. They’re so much smoother!

I found a Harley Benton JB-40FL SB fretless jazz bass for 100 quid and oh my god, it looks so nice and I’m yet to hear bad things about it. I listened to a guy playing the 5 string version [not really my cuppa tea, I like my basses with 4 strings] to see how it sounded and it actually has a really nice tone to it too.

NO! I DO NOT NEED MORE! Someone stop me encouraging myself!!