Getting places pretty quickly

Regarding mental health. I was told to be completely honest during initial assessment, so I was. I’ve been referred to a different team after another assessment the day after the first one because it’s apparently too specialist for the original team to deal with. Not sure where I go from here but I’ve been trying to keep a level head lately with difficulty so they became concerned that I might basically do something I may regret. Not gonna lie, where my head is at right now it’s been a very tempting venture. But I think that’s why I’m getting dealt with so fast, the other people that were called originally didn’t seem to realise how severe things had gotten, thankfully this team have done. I’m just hoping this pays off because after it becoming a daily occurrence to inflict violent pain on myself and others in my head I’m at a lost point where I’m not sure how much longer it will stay in my head, at least not when inflicted on myself anyway.

I’m not eating or sleeping. I have zero energy for any of the things I want to do. Enough is enough now, 15 years is far past time to deal with this crap.

Iron woes, catch-22 dilemma.

I was tested for low iron levels again because I’ve been feeling really lethargic for a while and my iron levels never seem to quite stay up because my old dear friend anorexia has been poking it’s nose in where it’s not massively welcome of late and I haven’t exactly been eating a normal amount of food. I know, I know, really bad but ED’s are hard to conquer and hey, at least I’m trying right?

I’ve been put on iron pills because my iron level is 3 apparently which is obscenely low I’m assuming (I don’t know much about this stuff but she used the phrase ‘it’s at the bottom of your boots’ so I’m assuming that’s pretty low) but she recommended taking these with orange juice because vitamin C helps the iron pills along. Problem? I have no orange juice or orange anything. I have barely any food left in my house so I *need* to go shopping….. I’m completely exhausted and have no energy to get out and get to the shops to get said food because, yup you guessed it, my iron levels are low so I’m lethargic as hell. *face-palm*

I will drag myself out some point soon because I do need to take this iron pill. But bleh. Someone wake me up please?

I stopped writing, may start for fun.

As per usual I’m having semi creative block issues but I’m reading Ian Rankin’s Dead Souls at the minute and it’s just reignited my urge to write a crime novel. I have a vague idea that’s actually floated around my head for a few months regarding the antagonist but I’m just stuck on how to get it started in general. If I can get the general idea down as a set off I can possibly start free flow writing and see what comes out of my hands. I generally work better when I’ve got an idea in my head and just write and think about dealing with consequences later.

Hmmm, must try to get out of the funk.

Apparently I last blogged 4 months ago. Wow.

Super bad at this blogging crap! I used to do it every day!

Moving in is pretty much over with the exception of actually putting the bed frame in [we have the mattress down but we can’t take the bed out of my mother in laws until she can get a new bed so she has somewhere to sleep.] We got a cat and she kicks ass, although she has just done the most foul smelling toilet business and I think I wanna throw up. Yuck! Life is going pretty good to be honest!

I’m a little apprehensive about tomorrow. I changed Drs because my husbands doctor is fantastic with mental health and is closer to the new place. As I’ve mentioned before I have a lot of issues going on that I need help with but developed a fear of getting help because of it which is a little odd but hey ho. Things with that kinda started getting out of hand to the point I started refusing to go outside because I was terrified of large crowds which isn’t a rut I want to start getting into. I’m terrible booking appointments because just the thought of it sets off panic attacks so I constantly put it off. So my husband thankfully booked one for me with the Dr who actually knows a little about the case already and specifically requested I see her because of it. Now I have the appointment tomorrow which is great because I have to go now, no more putting it off. But I’m pretty scared I won’t lie. There will be awkward silences and tears and over zealous apologising for said tears. But it’s a step further than before so lets just see shall we?

On other medical related notes, had to stay in hospital for 2 days for video telemetry. Don’t get the results till June. I’m not quite sure what will be noted there if anything. Most boring experience ever. Seriously the furthest I could go was the bathroom, yuck.

Fingers crossed that gets sorted soon!